Health-meets-wealth Planners Gifts

I've done all I can do, so I'm referring you to a specialist in financial planning.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

Will work for ETFs

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

The early days of Warren Buffett.

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

Poor vs Rich

'Life, liberty & the pursuit of tax shelters.'

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

'I realize money can't buy happiness, so I'm just trying to improve the exchange rate.'

The blue-collar diner for white-collar people...

'I've begun spreading my wealth to offshore accounts.'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

Security/Savings

They grow up so fast. So we're already money away for bail.

"So, I'm going to live but my stocks are on life support?"

'Reinvent yourself. You write off the whole thing as a business expense!'

Feeding at the Trough

Zen Wall Street.

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

You need to start formulating a plan to secure your financial future.

'If you want to learn more about our retirement plan, pick up some brochures at your local Social Security office.'

"This morning, I looked into the mirror and said to myself, 'Bruce, you're a billionaire. It's time to stop horsing around and enjoy life a little.' "

"My kids may hate me, but my great-great-grandkids are going to love me."

'This IS our retirement plan.'

Investments: Check out our webinar: 'The tax advantages of delayed gratification.'

'You can't take it with you so I'm sending it on ahead.'

"My website earned $168 million last year. But as you can tell, I personally haven't made one penny."

Clancy: Diets

World Economic Forum

"My whole goddam MacArthur is in Nasdaq."

'Growing old gracefully ... But frantically trying to keep in step with the cost of living!'