Health-meets-wealth Planners T-Shirts

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

Will work for ETFs

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

Poor vs Rich

'Life, liberty & the pursuit of tax shelters.'

'I realize money can't buy happiness, so I'm just trying to improve the exchange rate.'

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

'I've begun spreading my wealth to offshore accounts.'

The blue-collar diner for white-collar people...

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

Security/Savings

"So, I'm going to live but my stocks are on life support?"

'Reinvent yourself. You write off the whole thing as a business expense!'

Zen Wall Street.

You need to start formulating a plan to secure your financial future.

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

Feeding at the Trough

'If you want to learn more about our retirement plan, pick up some brochures at your local Social Security office.'

"This morning, I looked into the mirror and said to myself, 'Bruce, you're a billionaire. It's time to stop horsing around and enjoy life a little.' "

"My kids may hate me, but my great-great-grandkids are going to love me."

'This IS our retirement plan.'

'You can't take it with you so I'm sending it on ahead.'

"My website earned $168 million last year. But as you can tell, I personally haven't made one penny."

Clancy: Diets

Investments: Check out our webinar: 'The tax advantages of delayed gratification.'

"My whole goddam MacArthur is in Nasdaq."

'Growing old gracefully ... But frantically trying to keep in step with the cost of living!'

No we don't have a retirement plan, but we give you time off to buy lottery tickets...