Health Journey Supporter Pillows

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

'I've had it with dieting! -- I lost two pounds last week and nobody noticed!'

'My transplanted heart is 29, my transplanted kidney is 41, my transplanted lung is 38 and the rest of me is 59.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"That's a big fat lie!"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

Dieting Motivation.

Effective Cuban vaccines

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Scales

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

Attack of the 'health' foods

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

Gym. Whatever weight I manage to lose here I always seem to find on my way home. Donuts.

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

'I want you to slow down, and that includes fast food.'