Health Journey Partner Pillows

'Yes, a diet can cause stress, especially if it's your husband's.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

Dieting Motivation.

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Men's Health Screenings.

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

Scales

Attack of the 'health' foods

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.