Health Journey Engager Pillows

"No, you're NOT half the man you used to be -- You're more like DOUBLE the man you used to be!"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"That's a big fat lie!"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Dieting Motivation.

Scales

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

Attack of the 'health' foods

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

Gym. Whatever weight I manage to lose here I always seem to find on my way home. Donuts.