Health Hurdle Jumper Gifts

'You should have come in sooner. Since last January, you've lost a year of your life.'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"I feel off. I want to feel off and running."

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"That's a big fat lie!"

Runner going through hurdles.

January Joiner

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

High Jump

Gym. Whatever weight I manage to lose here I always seem to find on my way home. Donuts.

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

Just Survived My 3rd COVID Scare Dance.

"He downloaded one of those apps that helps you quit smoking."

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

'Once he stopped sticking me with needles, I felt great!'

"That's what I like about you, Abrams, you don't let a little illness keep you off the job."

Transylvanian Athletics.

'Sure, doughnuts are appetite suppressants, but ... '

"Now, you may feel a little pressure..."

How to loose weight.

'What happened mom? I thought you were on a low-carb diet?'

"I see you went to the hypnotherapist"

'No, you can't count an extra olive in your martini as a serving of vegetables.'

'This alternative doctor of yours better be good!'

"He won't go any higher, he's got vertigo."

How's the diet going? - 'The first 8 minutes has been tough.' - 'How come?' - 'I had to skip my pre-mid morning post-mini-brunch snack.' - 'I don't think I can take it anymore...' - 'Hang in there, big guy...' -

Weight Watchers

'What you need is some negative growth.'

Dream sheep jumping over fence using Fosbury Flop technique.