Health Humor Aficionados Gifts

'You need to lose about 30 pounds of gravitas.'

Man with earache.

'He's very weak. Try to keep the nagging to an hour a day.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Providing Healthcare For All

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

"Gesundheit!"

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

My Dream Valentine

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

"You're on a low sodium diet so watch the salty talk."

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."