Health Consciousness Promoter Gifts

Man's face obscured by smoke from his cigarette

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"This isn't helping my migraine."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

Running

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

Wash your hands

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

'You're not retaining water. You're retaining cookies and ice cream and pizza...'

Vaccines vs Variants

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"You won’t need refills."

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

'Must you always point out my floss?'

Pharmco Marketing Dept. We have an improved measles vaccine. How should we promote it? TV spots!

Bubbling

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

What's really in junk food...

'I'm thinking of having a gastric band fitted to my cigarettes.'

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

'At least my blood pressure is nice and low.'

'Be patriotic. Food prices are rising. Eat less.'

"We're very green here, we recycle everything."

"Was that the crack of dawn, Arthur, or your back?"

"Middle age is when you finally get your head together, but your body starts falling apart."