Health-conscious Property Seeker T-Shirts

"Great neighborhood. You're only minutes away from a yoga studio."

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

'Is it organic?'

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

'The diagnostic computer says it's in your financial best interest to invest in the companies whose drugs you take.'

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

Spring.

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

'I need to get a bigger place.'

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

The Janopause

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

"You're not allowed to enter the city. Your exhaust emissions are much too high!"

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

"Unexpected item in bagging area."

'Mr Hines, invest in two 'feel good' stocks, and call me in the morning.'

'And their financial E.K.G. shows that they are in excellent health.'

Obesity problems in the UK.

Office Smoking Conflict

'When you said view of park, you didn't say it was a CAR park!'

'This is great, I'll take it.'

Diet Smell...

'They've got everything...one even has it's own shed.'

WARNING: Smoking turns you into a donkey.

'Test results indicate you broke your New Year's resolution.'

'Yes, I know I told you only this morning that the property was within your price range....and this morning it was.'

Forgive me if I'm wrong, sir, but you DID ask for a boozer next door!'

'We don't call it 'plus size' anymore, we call it 'extra fun'.'