Health Assessment Gifts

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

2021

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

What the Doctor Ordered

'Well, well, well...'

Lactose Intolerant

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Your contents have shifted."

PSA Banter.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Vlad the Inhaler