Health And Fitness Gifts

Child cycling across 4x4 rooftops: 'Isn't it nice to see children cycling to school?'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

'Doctor said to burn more calories.'

'Lies! Nothing but lies!'

'DIET? EXERCISE?... Can't you just OPERATE?'

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

'I always said those implants were dangerous.'

"Hmm, offhand, I'd say you have a nasty case of tennis elbow!"

Man is dumber because of his smartwatch.

'Do you know if there's a candy machine in the building?'

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

Humpty Dumpty in Occupational Therapy

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

"With some rest, vitamins and mild exercise, that metal fatigue should clear up in just a few weeks!"

'Your problem, Mr.Fitzhue, is that you're a type-A personality in a model-T body.'

'If I get dizzy, and pass out there's a cherry danish in my lunch box.'

"Use thy core!"

Bad for you but to die for

'The company bought you a health club membership, and now you want to take sick leave?'

'Great, the 53,927th plate of cookies tonight. I'll never get my health insurance bonus now!'

Basketball injuries.

"A gastric band is a sophisticated medical procedure...THAT is a tight belt."

"It may help as part of your weight loss campaign...but it's a little extreme"

'Right... twenty squats and fifty press ups or no fit note.'

'I have to lose some weight...Every time I want to rest on my laurels I find I need wider laurels.'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

"I'm cutting you off."

'It wouldn't be so bad if they were pert and perky.'

'The obesity epidemic is GREAT. If it carries on then in another TEN years I'll be AVERAGE weight!'

"Too bad hair doesn't weigh a lot, because that seems to be the only thing I'm losing."

"How is the detox going?"

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

A large woman smiles, as she notices that a slimming club's exit door is only half as wide as the entrance door.

Honest weight and the not so honest weight.

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'