Health And Wellness Gifts

"Think it can last 20 seconds this time?"

PSA Banter.

"Boy, I'm going to pay for this tomorrow at yoga class."

'I have to be honest with you. I've been taking anit-aging nutrients for years. I'm 93 years old.'

A health food store uses a salt substitute to salt the sidewalk.

'Removing the phone is easy. Getting your head and arms to their original positions will take weeks of physical therapy.'

Hand sanitizer

Doctor to man: 'Laughter is the best medicine, but it's not covered in your health plan.'

'Would you like your child be in the gluten-free class, the lactose-free class, or the peanut-allergic class?'

Physiotherapist tells Humpty Dumpty: 'OK, you've had a great fall, but we'll have you back on that wall in no time.'

"Better lay off using the heating pad."

'Hi, my name's Krystyn, and I'll be the nutritionist liaison to your waiter tonight.'

'I guess I don't need to ask how your new hip is working out.'

'I'm afraid we've had the results back and it's bad news...he could live to be a hundred.'

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

'Type 2 diabetes raise concern over increased incidence of childhood obesity.'

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

Same Day Glasses - "They'll be ready in a month. It's not my fault you couldn't read the fine print."

'Assuming I am a hypochondriac, couldn't that condition be brought on by a brain tumor?'

'I told you smoking was bad for you.'

'He's our team doctor, athletic trainer, chiropractor and psychiatrist all rolled in one.'

'We've had reports you're an unfit mother.'

"I want you to know that genetically modified food are completely safe to eat..."

'What about Trans Fats?!'

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

"I get a shooting pain up my left arm every time I reach for a second helping and my wife stabs me with her fork."

"I've warned you about the dangers of a too sedentary lifestyle!"

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

Overzealous health inspectors.

"Urine sample...I said sample!"

'There, there, Mrs Hornsby. Many women your age go through menopausal facial hair growth.'

"I'm going to make eye contact only with this side because of the crick in my neck."

"It's nothing to be concerned about...a lot of people have issues with wheat products!"

'Do you have this chart in Big Print'

'The position carries no health benefits but we do give you a mantra which you can recite daily to promote good health.'