Health Advocate Gifts

"It's my smallpox vaccine scar. . ."

"And that one's for the relief of anxiety caused by the high cost of medication."

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

Depressed, not sleeping, low self esteem... still enough about me, what about you?

'My child has an eating disorder. She likes vegetables.'

'Those 'light' cigarettes have given you 'light' cancer'

"...so today you'll be vaccinating Jenny against measles, mumps and child-targeted television commercials."

"Our scientists say it would be a public health hazard, but market research shows it would sell like hot cakes - what do you think?"

'This nicotine patch is guaranteed to make you stop smoking.'

"You need to get more exercise. Blink twice if you understand."

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

'Ok...so maybe it's more than just a 'bad habit'...'

'It's partly glandular and partly 8,500 calories per day.'

"The good news is thet a number of GPs have agree to take action on a number of dangerous 'lifestyle' issues..." "And the bad news?..." "They've decided the best way to reduce their risk is by retiring!"

Sugar Co - "We could advertise it as 100% salt free."

'Relax. This swine flu vaccine has minimal side effects.'

School nurse to teacher: 'Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well.'

'My tinnitus is so loud it keeps my wife awake.'

Exercising your heart.

"It's the only way I can get some of my patients to listen to me!"

Lethal Drops of Alcohol.

'It's a sort of stabbing pain.'

"That's a crazy idea but it might work."

Smoking linked to dementia

'Lose some weight before you go flying again. Or at least get a bigger cape.'

Medication.

" 40% of the population is overweight...you appear to account for 17% of that figure"

"Mad cow, deer tick, monkey pox, what's next?"

'Medicine needs research, and research needs people like you, Mrs Watts, to make sure they've got it right.'

"Change it to, 'not guilty by reason of personal health issues.' Mentioning insanity violates my right to privacy."

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

'You're in luck! A famous movie star has your disease, so there's been a telethon, and drug companies are working on a cure.'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

'I don't know where he gets it from Doc, he eats the same as the rest of us!'

'No Dear, the Tooth Fairy is long gone. I'm the Hot-Flash Fairy.'