Headline Readers Pillows

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

Fear of news.

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

"This is no time for fightin', princess, there's a war on!"

Newspaper suicide.

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

"And what self respecting tabloid do you think is going to buy photos of Little Foot?"

Big Newspaper Delivery

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

Cameron uncomfortable hanging out with his inquisitor.

The Expert

"We live in interesting times. Present company exempted, of course."

News for Sale

'You fancy yourself as a press baron, don't you?'

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"! (Published originally on March 2, 2009.)

News Headline Reads - 'Man Bites Feral Media'.

"Things happen so fast. What's news when class starts is history when it ends."

When Dogs Appear To Be Thinking.

'The pound looks strong to day. Yes, against the Zambesi bean.'

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

"Here's what went wrong today."

"Now here's my co-anchor, Nancy, with a conflicting account of that very same story."

'Your job, Richards, is to make sure that my name never appears in a headline alongside the word 'siphoned.''

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

Magazine stand in middle of the desert.

The Daily Fury

"Nothing is certain except death."

'No comment for now, but there will be a press leak at four.'

Newspaper

'Inflated gloom!'