Headline Writer Pillows

Headline Writing Dept. Ernie, what's your headline for the story about oil getting harder to find and extract? "Fewer Facile Fossil Fuels."

Daily News Headline Writing Dept. Here's a story about a Colorado appliance salesperson involved in an auto mishap … "Denver blender vendor in fender bender!"

Tabloid clippings.

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

Fear of news.

Newspaper suicide.

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

Freedom of the press

The Expert

Cameron uncomfortable hanging out with his inquisitor.

News for Sale

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

"We live in interesting times. Present company exempted, of course."

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

Big Newspaper Delivery

"Things happen so fast. What's news when class starts is history when it ends."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

"How do you spell, asteroid?"

'You fancy yourself as a press baron, don't you?'

'The pound looks strong to day. Yes, against the Zambesi bean.'

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"! (Published originally on March 2, 2009.)

News Headline Reads - 'Man Bites Feral Media'.

"Here's what went wrong today."

"Now here's my co-anchor, Nancy, with a conflicting account of that very same story."

"I'll have my article pulled together in no time."

'Your job, Richards, is to make sure that my name never appears in a headline alongside the word 'siphoned.''

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

Magazine stand in middle of the desert.

'According to the latest reports, there were no earlier reports.'

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

"In financial news, stocks were down, bonds were up. In world news, democracies were down, dictatorships were up."

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

'How is this for a headline: Climate change denial blogs cause further global warming.'