Headline Reader Pillows

Everything is so terrible. . . you can't laugh about it anymore!

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

Fear of news.

Newspaper suicide.

'Yes, they were using it to clean up the graffiti!'

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

'How fast can you hype?'

"We live in interesting times. Present company exempted, of course."

Cameron uncomfortable hanging out with his inquisitor.

Big Newspaper Delivery

"And what self respecting tabloid do you think is going to buy photos of Little Foot?"

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

News Headline Reads - 'Man Bites Feral Media'.

"Things happen so fast. What's news when class starts is history when it ends."

'You fancy yourself as a press baron, don't you?'

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

'The pound looks strong to day. Yes, against the Zambesi bean.'

"Here's what went wrong today."

"Now here's my co-anchor, Nancy, with a conflicting account of that very same story."

'Your job, Richards, is to make sure that my name never appears in a headline alongside the word 'siphoned.''

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

The Daily Fury

'Inflated gloom!'

'No comment for now, but there will be a press leak at four.'

Newspaper