Headline Avoider Gifts

'We'll just watch the bongs, then turn over.'

"My new year's resolution was to watch less news. Hal's was no news at all."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

Fear of news.

Newspaper suicide.

'Yes, they were using it to clean up the graffiti!'

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

Big Newspaper Delivery

"We live in interesting times. Present company exempted, of course."

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

'How fast can you hype?'

News for Sale

Cameron uncomfortable hanging out with his inquisitor.

The Expert

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

News Headline Reads - 'Man Bites Feral Media'.

"Things happen so fast. What's news when class starts is history when it ends."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

'You fancy yourself as a press baron, don't you?'

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"! (Published originally on March 2, 2009.)

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

"Here's what went wrong today."

"Now here's my co-anchor, Nancy, with a conflicting account of that very same story."

"Let's see what's going on in the world."

'Your job, Richards, is to make sure that my name never appears in a headline alongside the word 'siphoned.''

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

Magazine stand in middle of the desert.

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

'According to the latest reports, there were no earlier reports.'

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

"In financial news, stocks were down, bonds were up. In world news, democracies were down, dictatorships were up."

The Daily Fury

"We made mistakes & have evidently lost the trust of the public. Therefore I feel I must tender my resignation..."

Daily News Headline Writing Dept. Here's a story about a Colorado appliance salesperson involved in an auto mishap … "Denver blender vendor in fender bender!"