Head Chomper Gifts

"The big difference between Halloween and Day of the Dead...is we look at the afterlife as a reason to celebrate...not to scare anyone."

"You were right, I didn't want to stop."

"Do you think the birds like me?"

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

'How fast can you hype?'

Ornithologist

Helicopter tour guide: 'And THERE they are folks! The mysterious ancient stone figures of Easter Bunny Island!'

"We made mistakes & have evidently lost the trust of the public. Therefore I feel I must tender my resignation..."

'You know, I could really go for a wafer-thin mint.'

'In this practice we like to have the best of the old with the best of the new.'

Bin Laden

"And now, a breaking story on blatant media bias. Reporting live from Washington, a radical, conservative hack."

'Sleaze, please.'

'I'm one year older and I should know better, but there are times all I want to do is tear into a new pair of slippers.'

'But toothache is the worst!'

"Think about it. Have you ever seen an ugly cardinal—I mean, except at the Vatican?"

"What will be left for us to chat about if it's ever all over and done with?"

'Wait! Wash my dentures first.'

The British Society of Campanology...

"And all of our sandwiches come bundled with chips and a pickle"

"Careful...she bites."

Newspapers

Loggers Destroy Industry.

Man eating 'after work mints'

"That's chemical law for you. No matter how minor the damage claim, our fee is always major."

OUT of ORDER

'Honey, you're spoiling those birds!'

Pendemonia

'It might help with our friends in the media if you hang that upside down.'

'Look at this, no trouble anywhere. I want my money back.'

The press as vultures.

"I like you - you're so bubbly!"

Competitiveness in the press

"They were not the tastiest mints the swine had eaten, but they kept casting them before him, so he kept on eating them."