Hazmat Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Remember, before entering, make sure you wipe your feet on the hazmat.'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Trappist Monk Discord

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

Ask A Silly Question.

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

Safety Barriers

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

Clone Factory

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Pokemon Get Lost

"Inactivists"

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"As I understand, we stop refugees making dangerous journeys to a safe countey and offer them safe passage to a dangerous one..."

Trump Tariffs

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

"I've got the ninth grade chemistry class this term."

Vocabulary Glossary for Libya

Prescription Drugs '96.

Small Government Is Here

"Facebook VP — you'll be in Circle No. 4."