Hazmat Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Remember, before entering, make sure you wipe your feet on the hazmat.'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

Trappist Monk Discord

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

Safety Barriers

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

Ask A Silly Question.

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

Clone Factory

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Trump Tariffs

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"Inactivists"

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

"I've got the ninth grade chemistry class this term."

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

Prescription Drugs '96.

"It's ironic. It looks like you're here because you're such a bad cartoonist."

'Oh my God!! The economy's in ruins! There's no money!'