Hard Hat Humorist Gifts

"Lucky you were wearing your hard-hat!"

'Your mom too? Always saying, 'You never do anything constructive.''

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"The Eggsorcist"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Hey, I just consider myself very fortunate to be getting paid for something I'd be doing anyway."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

Portrait sweating above a fireplace

Come back in, no one will laugh at you.

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

"The tricky bit is finding some UK infrastructure that's working to switch it off."

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'