Hard Hat Humorist Gifts

"Lucky you were wearing your hard-hat!"

'Your mom too? Always saying, 'You never do anything constructive.''

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"The Eggsorcist"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"Hey, I just consider myself very fortunate to be getting paid for something I'd be doing anyway."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

Portrait sweating above a fireplace

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

"The tricky bit is finding some UK infrastructure that's working to switch it off."

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'