Hard Hat Humor Gifts

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

On a hot day in 1941, scientists uncovered the only known remains of the elusive nerdosaurus rex,

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

May all your birthday wishes come true..

"Hey, I just consider myself very fortunate to be getting paid for something I'd be doing anyway."

"This city is becoming unlivable."

We interrupt this program to bring you, Tommy, a message from you teacher. Have you finished your report on frogs?

'I feel like I'm in a rut, too!'

A baby using a heavy duty drill

'Remember, before entering, make sure you wipe your feet on the hazmat.'

"Look at her...Gracie is intelligent, optimistic, ambitious..I wish she was one more thing."

"I'll have dessert first."

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

"How was the play!"

"A see through nighty? God who'd want to see you through that?"

'Not only am I a frequent flyer, I'm a frequent waiter.'

'My boss collects stupid hats, Is yours for sale?'

'The reason I'm paid fifty times more is because I think I'm worth it.'

'Your mom too? Always saying, 'You never do anything constructive.''

"What's it like, working with your hands?"

"Lucky you were wearing your hard-hat!"

Man disposes of baby's nappy in a toxin waste bin.

The Swiss Alp 44 Million Years Ago

Adult Magician

"I said 'blow job' not 'blow chunks'."

"Oh really, Gerald! You're removing honey from the hives, not plutonium!"

Construction in 2022

Radioactive Pizza

"You know, Burkhart, if you're so damn afraid of the flu maybe you should just stay home."

'Ever since she has found out that she is related to one of the Queen's corgis she has been unbearable.'

"Harumph. Some 'sailor man.'"

Uniporn

"Have you a cabernet that will pair well with dysfunction?"

'Now look what you've done. I told you that I wanted a fair fight... making fun of his trunks is hitting below the belt.'