Jokester With A Hard Hat Gifts

'You'll be lucky to get the job done by Friday mate, the lintels haven't arrived yet, the measurement are all out, the timber's the wrong sort, I've got a hospital appointment to keep...'

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

Fleas Navidad.

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'Every pacemaker recipient is required to carry jumper cables...'

'Who's ready for laughter-- the best medicine?!!!'

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

"You never giggle and read cartoon captions to me anymore."

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Men dancing

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

Elf of the Month

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

"Maybe this year..."

'Has anyone seen my contact?'

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

'It's just a precaution, the anesthetist can't find his wedding ring.'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

C is for Cracker

"'Ere -what's YOUR problem...?"

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

"Want to put the house on the market so we clean it?"