Jokester With A Hard Hat Pillows

'You'll be lucky to get the job done by Friday mate, the lintels haven't arrived yet, the measurement are all out, the timber's the wrong sort, I've got a hospital appointment to keep...'

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

"You never giggle and read cartoon captions to me anymore."

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

'Who's ready for laughter-- the best medicine?!!!'

Men dancing

Elf of the Month

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

"Maybe this year..."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

'Has anyone seen my contact?'

'It's just a precaution, the anesthetist can't find his wedding ring.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

"'Ere -what's YOUR problem...?"

C is for Cracker

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

"Want to put the house on the market so we clean it?"