Having 'the Talk' Gifts

I know! How about I take out the trash? Clean the basement? Re-tile the bathroom? Take you to the ballet? Ok. Ok. I'll have "the talk" with Teddy.

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

Annual run-off at the mouth.

'Yak, yak, yak.'

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

Men gossiping

Life on Earth - The original chat room.

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

My diagnosis? Restless tongue syndrome.

Dialogue

Woman on the phone.

'Actually, my mom was the first to notice he'd lost that new boyfriend smell!'

You can't get what up

'All I know is when it's the 'birds and bees' it's about sex; and when it's the 'bulls and bears' it's about money.'

"Stop squawking. Use your words."

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

"Water cooler talk stations."

You're right, boss, there may be too much idle chit-chat, but let me talk it over with my friends.

"I'd appreciate a little more reacting to my ranting."

"Go ahead. Tell me your troubles. I promise to say 'Awww' in all the right places."

Pie chart of pub conversations

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

'What do you mean I've wolfed that down? You've never stopped nattering!'

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

"I'll have to go now, Penny. My boyfriend keeps wittering on about something or other!"

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

Now showing - "What's the least noisy film we can chat through?"

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

Phone Call

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

"I handle chatty people for him."