Haunted House Humorists Pillows

"As far as I know, it's been abandoned for years. I hear it's haunted."

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Macbeth: Take Two

"Sorry. My blood sugar has just been running a little low lately."

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

Ghost puddle

"And this Halloween, try not to make a specter of yourself."

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

Yard Sale

Job Safety - Pumpkin.

The following is a paid political announcement.

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

'Now that hunting season is over, I'd suggest separate vacations.'

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'I'm not a 'Ghost', I'm an Ectoplasmic American.'

Fancy a pint?

Curse my curiosity and four stomachs!

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

Cat Frankenstein

"Some Debussy, Igor."

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'