Happy Patient Gifts

"I've never felt better in my life."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

'Bored?'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

The New Age Dentist.

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'You gotta help me, doctor! I took a deep breath to get some fresh air and inhaled my Blackberry!'

A feast in a hospital bed.

"We have adult teeth now, and, as such, they demand adult pain."

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

Taking blood pressure

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

Mortified that her hospital gown did not close all the way in the back...

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"Take me! After 15 minutes of cell phone chatter and day-time TV, a colonoscopy will be a relief!"

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"I see there's been an improvement in your athlete's foot."

'There's a new push to improve the quality of food available...here's the takeovut menus for Ling's Chinese and the Indian in the High St!'

'-and who's next?'

"You sure have a funny way of making someone feel better."