Happy Horticulturist Gifts

The happy gardener

The Busy Gardener

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

The Garden

Gardening Terms: Black Spot

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

"Before invasive species, the only things I could grow were weeds and mildew."

A drooping plant is watered via an IV tube.

-A garden uses a lot of water. -Most of it perspiration.

"You overwatered the plant, again."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

Tree Identification Field Guide...

September: All the familiar signs of harvest are with us once more.

'Whenever he stares out the window like that I know he's about to go into a gardening frenzy.'

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

Wife growing vegetables in husband's piano

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

'They gave thanks for a bountiful harvest? Their garden must've done better than yours.'

User friendly soil.

Plants to Avoid - Creeping Wallenda

'It's only a slug Norman.'

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

'I need to relax more.' - 'Plants are relaxing.' - 'I need a bonsai.' - '...and here's your care guide.' - 'Say what?' - 'My, my... you're a demanding little bastard, aren't you?'

"It doesn't mean you, Hickford!"

Gardeners

"The garden is my résumé."

Priest watering his wings.

Clown watering his flowers.

Garden Shop: Pig $#!@ and Sheep $#!@

The Garden of My Heart

Every flower that ever bloomed had to go through a whole lot of dirt to get there.

Woman Planting Flowers in her Snow Covered Garden.

'He's a very good gardener, and of course, there's all the manure...'