Hands-on Parenting Enthusiasts Pillows

'He's quite the hands-on daddy...in his way.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Whoa

Suffering from Cooties?

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

'The kids were so sweet...'

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

I love my family!

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

Growth Charts

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

"See what happens when you go swimming after eating!"

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

Toddler Feeding Solutions

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

Crying baby

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

Children's Nursery

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"I'm going crazy staring at the same four legs."

Early childhood development

Bouncing baby

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"