Hand-eye Coordination Gifts

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Glance Exchange

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

Large print e-book.

Monk Prompt

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

What every man thinks to himself when he puts on a pink shirt.

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

'I think I've now earned the right to wear God on my sleeve.'

'Before we get started, let's go around the table and practice making eye contact.'

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

'Don't ask me, I've never got one in a hole either.'

'Pop-up Bible.'

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

Priest

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'

"Your main problem is that instead of a set of complex organs composed of specialized sensory cells and sophisticated nerve structures, you've got two pieces of coal."

The Pessimetrist.

'This is the Rabbi's favourite.'

Church Hymn

'The pastor is the one who tells all the kids to be quiet and sit down.'

"Painted like this, finding furniture to match at least one colour should be simple!"