Hair Growth Guru Pillows

'We don't see many patients with a Rogaine addiction.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"#Win!"

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

Rapunzel in the Morning

Emergency Hipster Beard

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

Dating is so expensive...

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"Be creative...!"

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"Now I'll demonstrate how, with a minimum of capital investment, you can make a mountain out of a molehill!"

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

If a moo can rise to the top, so can I.

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

The Cat Spa

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

"Nice haircut."

Movember

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

'Have you had a brazilian?'