Hair Gel Guru Pillows

Don't move, it's okay - I can see my reflection in your hair

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

The adoration of the gels.

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Dragon Hair-dryer.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

Rapunzel in the Morning

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"Be creative...!"

Dating is so expensive...

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Too much concealer?"

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

The Coiffing - to Illustrate poem 'The Ballad of a Barber'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

One of the Ten Best Hair Days of the Year

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

'Ok. Now I'm sexy.'

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

The Cat Spa

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

"Nice haircut."

Movember