Hailstone Humorist Pillows

'Can't find my ball - I never actually believed that hailstones could be this size...'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

"Running out for lawyers and CEOs. Want anything?"

"Is it just me, or is it humid up here?"

"And then, after they were done with their bodies, they baked them at 350 degrees for an hour."

'No, I'm his cousin, Sasquash.'

"Jeez, Honey, will you hurry up in there? I've been hibernating all winter, too, y'know!"

In the houseplant cemetery.

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

Shakespeare in the Industrial Park

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

"Did I miss something?"

"Oh, are you attacking from home today?"

'Surely you could have missed one episode of Eastenders !!'

"Hey - are those scented candles???"

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

"I didn't spend seventeen days climbing this bloody mountain, in all weathers, for a lecture on personal hygiene!"

'I'm not up here seeking wisdom - this is the only place they'll let me smoke.'

Moon Dog at earth.

Pearly Gates Queue

"The adventures of Robin Hood are becoming a lot less adventurous."

'So far, everyone of them has overshot the drop zone.'

'...never take anything for granite!'

Wanted to live forever, died trying.

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'