Gym Gossip Pillows

"I'm starting slowly with a trainer who just stands around talking about his personal life."

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

Cheerleaders

Fast Food Dieter

'It's the new iPed. It's a pedometer, a GPS, and it has apps that show you the nearest ice cream parlors and dessert shops.'

Easy chair exercise machines

"Still on your left."

'Ha! Here's your problem. You haven't been taking the human growth hormones. Someone sold you some other kind of hormone.'

"Damn speed hump!"

My resolution this year? Getting in shape so I can lift my favorite snacks!

"Now on the count of three, each of you will turn, aim, and fire, all the while keeping your core engaged.

"Hey dude, when I said curls might help, that's not what I meant."

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

'...How much did he pay you to sneak in here and take his fitness test?'

When I said take more exercise Mr Potter I didn't mean right now.

'He's been like that for an hour. Should we tell coach?'

'Well yes, my trainer told me to concentrate on lighter weights with many reps. He said it will build more defined muscle that way.'

Vampire doing sit ups in his coffin.

'Good mornin' Ruth!'

'Realist Trac, with 4 settings...'

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

"Remember, guys – what happens in this CrossFit gym is references ad nauseam outside this CrossFit gym

"Done already?" "Yeah. I'd hate to get too sexy. I don't want to distract the airplanes flying overhead."

'You carry on to those machines. I'll stay here with this one.'

"Ok, that kind of spotting. No. I'm not doing that."

home fitness/fatness

Blow up muscles.

"I can defend this hill for another hour, but then I really need to get to the gym."

"My personal trainer couldn't get it through his head that my arms are too short to touch my toes, so I ate him."

'Here's my mother's number in case I don't make it.'

"May as well work the old six-pack while we're in here."

"Let's face it: Life can be life threatening."

'No, I don't think it's a piece of exercise equipment.'

Weight lifting...where the weights stay up.

'Look at it as a big ab machine.'