Gym Sneak Pillows

'...How much did he pay you to sneak in here and take his fitness test?'

DumbbellsSmartbells.

"I'm starting slowly with a trainer who just stands around talking about his personal life."

"I hate this time of year."

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

"Negative net force puts object in motion. Positive net force will be applied when Digby apologizes for eating my yoghurt."

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

The Candy Shop. Anytime I eat candy it immediately goes to my mid-section. No time to waist!

'Your back went out because your front went out.'

'Ha! Here's your problem. You haven't been taking the human growth hormones. Someone sold you some other kind of hormone.'

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

"It's called 'muscle confusion'. First, I put on my workout clothes, then I confuse my muscles by not working out."

Kid sheltering from rain inside a vault box.

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

"20% of medical opinion may change every five years...but it won't be the 20% that says smoking 20 a day and being 5 stone overweight is bad for you!"

Vampire Sit ups

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

'Curiosity'

Congressional Gym. I never need to go in there. I get plenty of exercise kicking the can down the road.

'Right... twenty squats and fifty press ups or no fit note.'

'No fair cheating, Mr. Carpenter.'

'You need to go on a diet. Your spare tyres are getting spare tyres!'

'You get the diet book which you won't read, the exercise bar you won't use and the workout CD which you won't watch, for only $29.99.'

"Well, I wouldn't go as far as to say your body is a temple, more of an amusement arcade."

Businessman on a treadmill,

"I'm working on becoming less efficient so as to use more energy and avoid gym fees."

"Yes... I'd like to cancel my membership to the company fitness program immediately."

"I don't think using a nail to stop the scale's indicator from moving is a good way to manage your weight."

'You carry on to those machines. I'll stay here with this one.'

'The only time I ever worked up a sweat in there was just then, when I tried to cancel my membership!'

'Have you met my husband, and his personal fitness trainer?'

'Charlie, you've been dredging your sand from the golf courses again.'

"I don't think it matters is you choose metric or imperial."

Stationary Bike $349.95. Heck, I've got a stationary car I'll sell cheaper than that!