Gym Goof Gifts

"I hate this time of year."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Get crazy once in a while

'C'mon, c'mon! I want to be the first one on the stair-climbing machine!'

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

Ants stealing from the picnic.

"In my workout this morning I hit a new personal best, but on a seasonally adjusted basis, my numbers actually fell."

Fitness Course.

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

Hole in forty-seven.

'Ha! Here's your problem. You haven't been taking the human growth hormones. Someone sold you some other kind of hormone.'

"Steroids."

"Look—I appreciate your talking to me, and I know you mean well, but you're boring."

'Soon as your endorphins kick in, you'll feel great.'

"I've been working exclusively on my core."

"...and I'm an incredibly flexible gymnast. If you get my drift..."

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

"Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there. I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go."

'Can't you spell? This is 'muscle beach.' You want 'M-U-S-S-E-L Beach.''

"Oh, we're not bouncers. We just can't fit through the door."

Arm wrestling champion. (man in wheelchair).

"What the hell happened in P.E.?"

'Grandpa's been working out!'

'...How much did he pay you to sneak in here and take his fitness test?'

'Do you feel the burn?', 'Yes -- in fact, I think my pancreas is scorched.'

'If you count my outie, I've got a seven-pack.'

'I thought that we would grow old gracefully together, but Bruce has to get 'pumping iron' out of his system first.'

'Notice how the TV goes dim when we stop pedalling!'

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

Not at all O.K. Corral

Gym workout.

3. Proceed cautiously in the practice of yoga, as mistakes are hard to undo. 4. When jogging, watch your step. Too much steady pounding can result in a loosening of your internal organs and their slippage into one of your legs.

The Three Billy Goats Buffed

'I know it's my third doughnut, but it's okay. I'm using the Pilates method of dunking.'