Gym Goof Gifts

"I hate this time of year."

Get crazy once in a while

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'C'mon, c'mon! I want to be the first one on the stair-climbing machine!'

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

Fitness Course.

"In my workout this morning I hit a new personal best, but on a seasonally adjusted basis, my numbers actually fell."

Ants stealing from the picnic.

Hole in forty-seven.

"Steroids."

'Ha! Here's your problem. You haven't been taking the human growth hormones. Someone sold you some other kind of hormone.'

"Look—I appreciate your talking to me, and I know you mean well, but you're boring."

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

"I've been working exclusively on my core."

"...and I'm an incredibly flexible gymnast. If you get my drift..."

'Soon as your endorphins kick in, you'll feel great.'

"Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there. I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go."

Arm wrestling champion. (man in wheelchair).

'Can't you spell? This is 'muscle beach.' You want 'M-U-S-S-E-L Beach.''

"Oh, we're not bouncers. We just can't fit through the door."

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

"What the hell happened in P.E.?"

'Grandpa's been working out!'

'...How much did he pay you to sneak in here and take his fitness test?'

The Three Billy Goats Buffed

Gym workout.

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

'Notice how the TV goes dim when we stop pedalling!'

'I thought that we would grow old gracefully together, but Bruce has to get 'pumping iron' out of his system first.'

'If you count my outie, I've got a seven-pack.'

'Do you feel the burn?', 'Yes -- in fact, I think my pancreas is scorched.'

Not at all O.K. Corral

3. Proceed cautiously in the practice of yoga, as mistakes are hard to undo. 4. When jogging, watch your step. Too much steady pounding can result in a loosening of your internal organs and their slippage into one of your legs.