Gutter Jokester Gifts

"Cool ship, but how's it even going to fit in the lane?"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

"Do you think the birds like me?"

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

Human Sex Chromosomes: Female/Male/Male Who Leaves Fly Open.

"I hate this time of year."

"Hey. We're out of toilet paper."

No caption (A lumberjack runs on a rolling log in a machine built like a treadmill).

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

'I'm pretty sure this thing wasn't a @$#%& health hazard when I was drying my underwear on it!'

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

Caution: high speed treadmill, hole in wall behind it

Gardener digging and finding pipes.

"It's improv night."

'Do you feel the burn?', 'Yes -- in fact, I think my pancreas is scorched.'

Our grocery carts are genetically modified.

Gym. Trainer. What's with this "burning calories"? Why can't we just lightly toast them?

"Cruz! Are you eyeballin’ me? Eyes shut during savasana! You hear me? Lance, get up and give me 10 headstand pushups to help Cruz here shut her eyes."

'While my guitar gently creeks.'

Printout in a genetics laboratory forming dna double helix

'Well Sir, it tastes like O-positive to me...'

'No, I haven't taken up jogging...A velociprator was after me!'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

'He's not here.He's out on a sting operation.'

This is my Dad --- One of the people I evolved from.

"I hope I age as well as you, Dad. Except for the neck."

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

'Power steering.'

'Well, if you DNA made you do it, I'm sentencing your DNA to thirty years in prison.'