Gurning Admirer Pillows

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"He gets easily abstracted."

May all your birthday wishes come true..

'Why, yes, I think that's a lovely sweater, Peter... But you know the rule: no snacks unless you brought enough for the whole class.'

Yoghurt man

Jerry's dancing dogs

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

'You've got Chain Mail!'

"It's worth a try! Maybe someone up there knows how to fold a fitted bedsheet!"

The Beer Whisperer

Boot Hill: 2nd Fastest Gun In The West RIP

Knight with a tap in his armour.

Mr. Pecksniff discharges a duty which he owes to society

'You know this is my first battle.' - 'Really? Mine too.'

"Why giraffes have dirty knees."

Two cows are admiring a female cow that has an extra udder - 'Hey Colin... check out Barbara's awesome moob job!'

'Hey Todd, look - those people down there look just like... well... us!'

Madame Z, fortune teller...sees all/rells all...can help you find your car.

Genghis Khan

Man at museum. See's a suit of armour labelled 'Made in Japan'.

A Bad Time for John Thomas.

'Which politicians are the most trustworthy?', 'The ones on postage stamps.'

"You can't be too rich or too thin, and we're not."

'He said I looked beautiful in the gown I was wearing...then he asked if he could borrow it!'

'I'm sick of spinning all day long. I wish I was a tailor.'

'I can't stand the Three Stooges!' , 'Oh, an anti-Shempite, eh?'

Napoleon Bonaparte

'If it hasn't gone away in a couple of weeks, come back and see me.'

Snobbish gentlemen