Gurning Admirer Gifts

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"He gets easily abstracted."

May all your birthday wishes come true..

'Why, yes, I think that's a lovely sweater, Peter... But you know the rule: no snacks unless you brought enough for the whole class.'

Jerry's dancing dogs

Yoghurt man

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

Do not ask if you are truly hitting yourself. Rather, ask why are you hitting yourself, why are you hitting yourself. Guru Brothers.

'You've got Chain Mail!'

"It's worth a try! Maybe someone up there knows how to fold a fitted bedsheet!"

"You're definitely in the top 1,000,000,000 people on this planet."

The Beer Whisperer

Mr. Pecksniff discharges a duty which he owes to society

Boot Hill: 2nd Fastest Gun In The West RIP

Knight with a tap in his armour.

'You know this is my first battle.' - 'Really? Mine too.'

"Why giraffes have dirty knees."

Christmas Ugly Sweater Contest

'Hey Todd, look - those people down there look just like... well... us!'

Two cows are admiring a female cow that has an extra udder - 'Hey Colin... check out Barbara's awesome moob job!'

Madame Z, fortune teller...sees all/rells all...can help you find your car.

Man at museum. See's a suit of armour labelled 'Made in Japan'.

Genghis Khan

A Bad Time for John Thomas.

'I can't stand the Three Stooges!' , 'Oh, an anti-Shempite, eh?'

Dick Strawbridge

'I'm sick of spinning all day long. I wish I was a tailor.'

'He said I looked beautiful in the gown I was wearing...then he asked if he could borrow it!'

'Which politicians are the most trustworthy?', 'The ones on postage stamps.'

"You can't be too rich or too thin, and we're not."

Napoleon Bonaparte

'If it hasn't gone away in a couple of weeks, come back and see me.'

Hey, it's a shadow on the V somewhere, amirite?