Gun Safety Satirist Gifts

'I know the difference between right and wrong... but not the on/off position of the safety on my gun.'

America, are we learning anything?

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Safety Barriers

Fire door.

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

"Sorry, Zak, since paintball aint bin invented yet, looks like you bin shot!"

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Never shoot straight up.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

Odessa,Texas

'The most important safety rule to follow when doing anything dangerous is to first find out who can sue you when you get hurt.'

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Health & Safety Official Tester.

Jet Turbine Testing Area

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

Security at the Smaller Airports

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

'I'm bored, what can I do?' 'Go and play with your Junior Bomb Disposal kit.'

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

A bee is fired from a gun.

'Oh no, he's only the Health and Safety Officer.'

"What makes you think we have to contact OSHA?"

Living life dangerously 2010.

'I baked it especially for you.'

Stuffed animal head falls on man.

'No, no, I've gone through all the steps in the procedure and I don't see anything about totally immersing yourself in oil before starting the job!!