Guilt Trip Enthusiasts Pillows

"We always see a spike after April 15th."

'I'm not motivated by profit, Henderson - I'm motivated by excessive profit.'

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

"I'm a monster."

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

Mom's Diner: I do and do and do for you and what thanks do I get? How about your business? Is that too much to ask?

'If another barman cracks the joke about not serving spirits, I'm leaving ...'

"You know, you're not just cancelling a magazine subscription. You're stabbing print media in the back!"

'Just stop listening to Public Broadcasting, and your guilt complex should clear right up!'

My Gay Son Never Calls

Mt. Moriah Church Senior Citizens

Theories Of Everything: 'Everything would be perfect if I had a dirt bike.'

Introducing...Superegoman!

'We'll parachute in and surprise them with their sales award.'

"Wait a minute. Isn't tonight the water conservation rally?"

Will assuage guilt for money.

"When I think about my mom, it hurts here."

"This advice column is the worst trash I've ever read! And I should know! I've been reading it every day for the past 20 years!"

'If you'd like to instil fear into people, then this is the job for you.'

"Do you really need a resource-sucking, ozone-depleting, planet-killing bag?"

'I really enjoyed that, but if anyone ask, don't you dare tell them we watched it.'

Satan Fast Food

"So, which one of these buttons releases the hounds?"

'Every time I come here, it ends up a guilt trip.'

'I strive to remember people's names to make them feel guilty about forgetting mine.'

"This is a charity calling. Please stay on the line for the voice of human kindness."

Miracle: Walking on Water

"I lost my hunger a long time ago, but luckily, I found my greed."

"Okay, I feel guilty...you're reading and I'm watching TV."

'Holy smokes! Thank heavens we have the canoe on the roof!'

Things I should be proud of - but am not. Things I shouldn't be proud of - but am.

Woman Browses Section Labeled "Guiltmaking"

"Wow - I didn't know you could put that much guilt into one sentence."

'I'm going to lay a guilt trip on you, man.'