Guilt Trip Strategist Pillows

'I strive to remember people's names to make them feel guilty about forgetting mine.'

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

"I'm a monster."

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

'I think you might've over-packed. We'll only be gone for an hour.'

Book on Thumb Twiddling

Mom's Diner: I do and do and do for you and what thanks do I get? How about your business? Is that too much to ask?

"George is going for the Guinness World Record for just sitting."

Bummer Time Streaming

"You know, you're not just cancelling a magazine subscription. You're stabbing print media in the back!"

'Just stop listening to Public Broadcasting, and your guilt complex should clear right up!'

"We always see a spike after April 15th."

"I switch to this mask if I know the homeowner is more of a cat person."

My Gay Son Never Calls

Theories Of Everything: 'Everything would be perfect if I had a dirt bike.'

Introducing...Superegoman!

"Actually, living well on his money is the best revenge."

Will assuage guilt for money.

"Wait a minute. Isn't tonight the water conservation rally?"

"When I think about my mom, it hurts here."

"As you persist in pretending to throw that stick, I have retrieved something else. See you in Hell, Hal."

"Do you really need a resource-sucking, ozone-depleting, planet-killing bag?"

'Psssst... cop on other side of hill.'

"'Vengeance is ours,' saith Courtland, Mumford & Blaine."

'Never accept the first offer. Always hold out for more.'

'Every time I come here, it ends up a guilt trip.'

Heyyy... where's mine?

"This is a charity calling. Please stay on the line for the voice of human kindness."

"There better not be anything in there about the lust of food."

"Okay, I feel guilty...you're reading and I'm watching TV."

"Where can I go for this much?"

Woman Browses Section Labeled "Guiltmaking"