Guilt-ridden Caregiver Gifts

"If it was HIS food dish that was empty... I know I wouldn't be able to sleep!"

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

"I know you're always taking care of everyone else, but you need to take care of yourself, too. Also, I need my stethoscope back."

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

'Sometimes patients become a little attached.'

"Stop moaning. I said I'm sorry."

"We're pretty sure it was the dissolving stitches."

"You've got a lousy bedside manner"

'Just stop listening to Public Broadcasting, and your guilt complex should clear right up!'

My Gay Son Never Calls

"Surely, checking the baby monitor doesn't count toward your screen time."

'Is it contagious, doctor?'

"Mrs. Jennings, can Billy come out and smoke?"

"Fall prevention!"

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

Dads.

Me On A Diet: "I should not be eating this!"

'At least now he sleeps through the night.'

STRIP *Community Care * Skilled volunteer

40 years later...

It's 12 noon, do you know what kind of junk food your kid is being served at school lunch?

My Mother Is Dead But Her Body Is Still Alive

Humpty Dumpty! Put on this helmet.

Mother taping childs mouth.

'What did I tell you kids about swimming in the cement hole?'

Nurse draws on patient's cast

'Some people just couldn't HAVE fish,'

Top 100 causes of eating disorders...

'My credentials as a nanny? Trust me, I have a lot of experience in raising kids...'

That's two dimensional violence. What I worry about is three dimensional violence outside.

'Expecting a quick and east operation, Doctor?'

'Wait a minute -- you did all this stuff in a VIDEO GAME?'

'Just another rave in the nursery.'