Guilt-ridden Car Owner Gifts

"Actually, I drink to forget what my car is doing to affect global warming."

'This is Onstar, how may I help you?'

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'

"Now, son, hitting a car is all about timing. You'll want to release about here..."

"If it was HIS food dish that was empty... I know I wouldn't be able to sleep!"

Desert crawler rescued by truck that won't start.

"Added a new catalytic converter, upped the horse power, and installed a new intake system... but we still can't get rid of the clown."

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a rhino appeared and charged our vehicle...

"Wanting traffic to slow down, we don't post pothole warning signs."

'Every time one door closes, another one opens. Can you fix it?'

". . . Hey, hold that thought, I gotta use the windshield. . ."

Dads.

'We've found life as we know it on other planets. All creatures have cars that break down when they're late for a meeting.'

'You're lucky your car's only being repossessed. Mine's possessed and I have to call an exorcist.'

'I see the problem.' Car grill looks like teeth.

"Baldo, having a car is a big commitment. You gotta get a job, you gotta save your money, you gotta dedicate your life to it."

"Next time your engine knocks, answer it."

"This is a charity calling. Please stay on the line for the voice of human kindness."

Vicar with cross-shaped car aerial.

'Your call is important to us - please hold while we connect you to an advisor.'

'This is not a ticket. It's just a piece of paper we decided to put on your car. - Police Dept.'

'My other car has a bumper sticker that says 'my other car is a cadillac','

"I brake for all Police Cars."

"Can you save my car?"

"At first, I thought it was gunfire."

Trampling the freshly painted Honda was fun, but Toonga worried that the owners might somehow be able to figure out who did it.

Woman crying about her car repair bill.

"Looks like my car won't start...I guess I'll have time for that beer after all!"

If...Then....

Messy Car

"I've done all I can. Take it home and read it The Little Engine That Could."

'It's unusual, but the manufacturer guarantees you'll never have your car stolen.'

"I'm a song bird."