Guilt-free Reader Gifts

"I like subtitles. I can watch the movie, skip the book, and not feel guilty."

'It's baseball season!'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

Chocs away.

Environmental Conscience

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"Don't disturb Daddy darling: he's just received his new issue of "Basic Tools Monthly"..."

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

Humane Mouse Trap "It doesn't kill them,. It just makes them feel really guilty about inconveniencing you."

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

The four major food groups.

Meat Department

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"I switched hobbies from tropical fish to gardening. I won't feel so bad if I kill a plant."

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

'I'm with the Campus Police, ma'am... we had a tip than someone in this dorm may be reading for pleasure.'

'It means that when you order the cheesecake, the guilt comes free.'

"Shhhh. Mommy just finished a great book and needs a moment to re-adjust to her environment."

Weight Loss Cheat.

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."

Offshore Drilling

Newspaper headlines before and after Christmas.

'For God's sake it's only an overdue library book!'

"Instead of ordering something every day, I ordered it all at one time. I feel less guilty that way."

"You know very well what subscription forms."

Jellyfish Horror Stories.

Meet the Plagiarist.

The day Kevin turned vegetarian.

"Can you recommend a book optimistic about the future that isn't in the fiction section?"

"Fascinating. The rats choose chocolate nine times out of ten, but they always feel guilty about it later."