Guardian Of Calm Gifts

"Why can't I play with her now?!"

"He likes it."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

"It's actually called 'snow white, the seven dwarfs and the damned biting watchdog.' But of course they don't tell us about that ."

"If the stock market goes to infinity, would we be able to pay off the national debt?"

'What do you mean give the boy a house key? He'll lose it, learn how to break in despite our sophisticated security system and be on his way to a life of crime.'

'Isn't it great Darling: The kids are now old enough to have dinner ready when we get home...'

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'Nap time's over, Ms. Doan. You have to wake them up.'

Man at Heaven's gate with different college letter than St. Pete

"He's allergic to peanuts, sensitive to wheat, lactose-intolerant, and just plain weirded out by fruit."

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'

"Hey, who died and gave you the right to determine my water rights?"

"The custodian's job is 10 percent janitorial and 90 percent as my bodyguard."

GarGoalies.

"Er...Eric..."

Never divulge your credit card pin number to your children!'

Seagulls

"Hold on—I forgot to stamp your hand."

"I shall not raise my voice, but be aware every word I say is upper case, bold, italics and underlined."

"If you connect the measles, it spells out 'My parents are idiots.'"

"I can't keep track of him, but I trust Google can."

"Mr. Nunworth ... Hysterical crying on line 1 ... Livid on line 2 ... "

'Billy, stop that'

"Since Bob's started meditation, he's been able to control his foul temps a lot better..."

"Those rocks? Oh, they're not a problem until we actually hit them."

"..now he finally understands about the birds and the bees."