Guard Animal Guru Gifts

Beware the Cat

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

Cats on Board.

"The raw material was all around me: That's how I got started as a sculptor..."

No Soliciting

"It's a new year, and I have a brand new attitude. Which way is it to San Diego Sea World?"

'That's right...he'll lick you to death.'

"Sometimes, plastic in the ocean isn't bad... Ooh, that bottle cap will make a lovely bowl for Ed and Nicole!"

"That's just not the real me."

Earth Day Summit.

"No not the puppy please"

'Eye response, normal.' - Deer Physicals.

Shepherd watching sheep on closed circuit TV

'He's feeling very proud of himself. He went to watchdog school and graduated 'Magna cum loudly.''

"We're pretty sure it was the dissolving stitches."

Monkey steeling Eggs. Bird attacking monkey.

"He calls it an 'accident' but you and I both know that was no accident."

'Uh oh, there's an icebreaker coming our way!'

Deer sitting in house surrounded by mounted human heads.

"We've been sent a few army vets to help with the culling"

'Unfortunately, Rex didn't realize he was about to pee on an electric fence...'

"It's a smart refrigerator that requires a password to open it. They always use one of our names. Their lack of creativity has finally caught up with them."

Flood-stricken woman saves goldfish

'...and, we have with us today, a veterinarian...

An angel in heaven is walking an angel dog.

'Have fun, but be careful - those things are loaded with nones, keys and loose change.'

'I was tired of my goaty, so I decided to grow a moustache...'

Beware of Dogs

Transatlantic.

Welcome to the Society of Veterinarians Who Have Spayed Tomcats!'

A pet cage wrapped in chains make the other customers in the waiting room nervous,

"Of course there's a penguin in your fridge. Now you b*****ds have destroyed my habitat with global warming, I have to live somewhere."

"No, the sign doesn't refer to the puppy. Fang, is standing right behind you."

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do have a cat. Why do you ask?"

"Good morning passengers awaiting Flight 3335 to Lisbon. We just want to remind you that if the planes leaves the ground and you're not on it, you'll regret it..."