Guarantee Seekers Gifts

"Does this come with a guarantee?"

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

'He wants to close the deal with a handshake. What do you think about that?'

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"Beyond the fine starting salary, the job of a poet laureate at this corporation also carries with it an excellent medical and dental plan."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

"When you promised me a lift home...."

Truthfully, I'm just a frustrated insurance agent …

"I could have gotten to the top . . . but I wasted all my time in the park."

The real reason the Christmas Truce didn't last.

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

"Great. First our funding ran out, now the rat."

'I was looking for a little stronger mission statement than that.'

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

"Do you have this grant in a bigger size?"

Real estate.

'Does your company have a dental plan?'

'You see! What did I tell you about this place?'

Football

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

'If you want to learn more about our retirement plan, pick up some brochures at your local Social Security office.'

"-But APART from 38" 22" 36" what else do you want to be, Cynthia?"

"What's come over Heisenberg? He seems to be certain about everything these days."

Sofa Sale: 'I like this sofa - I'll take it.'

Chasing Dreams

Goal!

'Oh. Our research grant has finally come through.'

Will work for health insurance.

"You're buggered."

Christmas wish of a COVID Vaccine.

"We raised the price but lowered the down payment... so it kind of evens out."

'Is there a situation in which you would risk your life for an abstract goal?'

"It's another poll asking if we'll ever trust another poll again."

He tried kicking himself after missing the field goal but he missed again!