Grunting Guru T-Shirts

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

'Oh Hi!'

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

Getting through the week.

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

100k Desert Crawl

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

OM, SWEET OM

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

'Tell us what you've done with all the grass!'

Bearded old man atop mountain.

"Whole bean or ground relentlessly to dust?"

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

"I promise you. One day granite kitchens will be the in thing."

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."