Grumpy Grandpa Fans Gifts

"Meals on wheels? More like muck on a truck"

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"I don't care if we did hibernate all Winter, I'm still tired."

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

"You have the Hum bug.'

Grumpy Old Men

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

'Kids get right up my nose!'

'It's not just drugs - Fenton has zero tolerance for everything!'

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're getting grumpier.'

'Child resistant cap'

"I'm sixty-six – I don't want to see puppets in anything."

"Sorry I'm late, dad! Which number?"

Early season snow and the following thaw got all the snowmen grumbling...

"He's angry about getting old."

'Mrs Gridlington doesn't like being referred to as 'duck' or 'dearie'...so I just call her 'the old trout'!'

That's what I call value.

'I'm not here!'

Are you ever worried people will see all the stuff you put online? Not at all … because I don't put anything online. I'm not on Facebook, I'm not on Twitter, and I conduct all my business in person so they can be charmed by the twinkle in my mustache. You are looking at a man who's totally off the grid, little buddy. It's like talking to a Neanderthal. I also shave with a razor-sharp sliver of granite my grandfather bequeathed unto me.

'I see your Alan's got his Christmas face on again.'

Bad King Wenceslas

'Your dad can't go on there-the miserable git hasn't got any friends to phone!'

"OK. You're the Ghost of Christmas Present. Quite amusing. Now go away!"

"The tests show you have an overactive grumpy gene."

The Church of the Wholly Cross

The Sour Grapes and its 'Happy Hour' Ban.

Callers of an impatient or grumpy disposition may widh to hang up at this stage.

'First time grandfather hey! Me, I'm a great great great great great great great great grandfather...'

"Another p**s and vinegar?"

Middle aged people are often very grumpy.

"I'll have a nice day when I get damn good and ready."

"Not coming then? You wouldn't even come to your own funeral, you!"

"Look. I'll get to your problem as soon as it coincides with my problem."