Grumpy Dads Club Gifts

Batman at the Maternity Ward

Toys in the DVD Player.

Maternity Arrivals

Visiting 'friends'.

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

"Meals on wheels? More like muck on a truck"

'Either switch off his batteries or take 'em out!'

'Congratulations, you're a father. Now you'd better get out of here before her husband arrives.'

Grump Horse and Rider

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

"It's an educational toy. Let HIM figure out how to assemble it!"

"I hate it when the baby f**ks my face."

"I'm sixty-six – I don't want to see puppets in anything."

Early season snow and the following thaw got all the snowmen grumbling...

'It's a boy...or a girl!'

"Your wife wants a report on your condition."

'That little fella has quite a burp on him!'

"He's angry about getting old."

'Daddy's still up - I can hear him unlocking the firearms cabinet.'

"Another p**s and vinegar?"

Perfect sincerity; or, tinkings aloud No. I - Bachelor who dislikes children tells a mother that he will not leave her son anything just because he is named after him

'It's not fair!'

"Having a new baby can make you feel a bit tired, sometimes you forget things."

"Do we really want to spend our golden years judging people who buy the fancy-pants coffee drinks?"

Parents' nightmare #23: their teenager behind the wheel of a self-driving car

'Your father used to want a night out with the boys, but now he's satisfied with a few minutes with Andy Rooney.'

"I don't know, Tia Carmen. All these outside forces influencing Baldo and Gracie...they scare me. Bad TV, crazy friends, drugs everywhere..."